Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Told you I'd post more

Clearly I'm a lying asshole. Rather than post more often I've gone ahead and given you nothing for over two weeks. Then again, we never agreed to any posting rules, so calling me a lying asshole was very rude. I haven't really been doing anything important. Mostly I'm just a boring person, so I have nothing to write about. But today I bring you an epic tale taking you on a journey not only across a country, but into the soul, to a place where the pain of living is overcome only by the insurmountable fortitude of the human spirit, and to the edge of reason, where the only salvation is the divine. Come on, try not to click that. I dare you.

Our tale beings with the journey of a young man. Let's call him Max. It's his middle name really, but that's what I call him, so you should call him that too. So Christian departs in the early afternoon on Wednesday, July 1, 2009. Oh, Christian is his first name. Christian Max Caterina. Ok, so my brother goes to Pennsylvania. But why would anyone go to that hell hole, you ask? A fair question, but one with a reasonable answer nonetheless. Pennsylvania is the ancestral home of his girlfriend. Maybe. She lives there. Ancestral sounds more epic.

But what sets this journey apart from any other? Ah yes, that age old event that we all face at some point in our lives: major spinal surgery. Faithful followers may recall that our hero (me, not him) was able to coax this from a simple wooden dowl with nothing but his force of will:

As mentioned in this album's description, this mystical flower is likely the only thing that could ensure the success of the surgery. So Max took the flower, ever so carefully, and left on his quest to align the spine. Well, he'll just be sitting there really, hoping for the best.

That portion of our story should come to an end in just one day, but when will we know the ending? For me the answer is tomorrow. But for you, not so fast. Wait, I'm going to see Mike and Judy tomorrow, so for them, also tomorrow. But anyone else, not so fast. Because tomorrow I depart on my own journey. The first leg takes me to the new Hurlewang home. A magically unfurnished place where I will certainly have the pleasure of helping my "hosts" move into the place of hosting. I will toil under the burden of their harsh regiment of games and stuff until I escape on Monday to The Land of a Thousand Sunshine State of California.

There I will meet up with a band of follow travellers, who go by the names my brothers and sister and the girlfriend of my other brother who goes by the name Lucia. There we begin the true purpose of this journey: to visit family in California, some of which I have not seen in over seven years. You see, they use to make the trip out here quite regularly, but as they have grown older, gotten married, and had children they are able to do so with greatly diminished frequency. And as we get older, aren't married, and have no children it's now our turn to do all the work and spend all the money to go see them. So this is where I will be until July 15th. Until then you get no new pictures or posts. Though the posting thing you should be use to by now. But before I go, I drink from my deep reservoir of faith and ask my Buddy Christ to watch over everyone in my absence. But since he's only really half finished I only expect half of you to make it.

Ok, I'm done. That took an hour to do. Go back and read it over and over for an hour so we're even.

1 comment:

  1. Because of your massive fail before your journey even started your are doomed to not have to help us moved.

    And actually, our house has a lot of furniture which we bought a couple weeks ago and was delivered Tuesday. We just need to move over our regular shit and our junky apartment furniture so we can throw it in the garage and basement.